April 21, 2021

Co-parenting and shared custody is stressful. You and your former spouse may have differing views on many things, and it’s difficult when your children are caught in the middle. In some cases, children become resentful and begin to push back against court ordered visitations for a variety of reasons. As your children grow, they may begin to wonder if they have a say in whether or not they want to go.

Why the Court Ordered Visitations Need to be Continued

It can be very tempting to follow your child’s lead on visitation, especially as they grow older. You may understand that the current schedule isn’t ideal anymore, and you don’t want to cause your child any additional stress by forcing visitation when your child isn’t happy. However, until a new schedule is signed by a judge, both parents are responsible for maintaining the current court ordered visitation schedule. If you fail to follow the schedule, even if it’s your child’s wish, you can face legal penalties.

What Happens When Things Change

Children’s needs change as they grow, and many times the court ordered visitations will have to change along with them. Perhaps your visitation schedule was developed when the children were young and didn’t have much in the way of extra-curricular activities, but now the after school hours are filled and visitation is preventing your child from participating. Sometimes a job change, move, or life situation will also mean it’s time to revisit the current court-ordered visitations. In these cases, it’s important to open a dialogue with your ex-spouse and children about finding the right solution.

Do Children Have a Say in their Visitation?

Your child can give an opinion and state their preferences when the court is addressing visitation. However, their opinion is not the sole opinion that the court will use in making the decision on shared custody and parenting time. Most family courts stress that children thrive when both parents are involved in their lives and they will make every effort to ensure that each parent shares enough time to create a meaningful relationship. Until your child is 18, the court will consider their opinion, but the court will ultimately make the decision. It’s important that you speak to your child about expressing their feelings on the visitations in a productive manner and work with the legal system to find the best balance.

When it’s Time to Change the Parenting Schedule

Court ordered visitations and parenting schedules can be changed if:

•   You can prove that circumstances support a change and,
•   You develop a new parenting plan that works for both parents.

This means that you can’t simply say your kids don’t want to visit, so the visitation should be removed. You’ll have to work together and find a schedule that your kids find better suited to their lives. In many cases, it may be helpful to get a mediator involved. The mediator can facilitate the discussion from a neutral perspective, taking both parents and the children’s feelings and desires into account. In many situations, each party can speak confidentially with the mediator. If a mediator can’t facilitate a compromise that everyone agrees to, you can reach out to your attorney and file a motion with the court to amend the current parenting agreement.

Sharing parenting time can be stressful, and even more so when you feel that you are forcing your kids into court-ordered visitation. If your kids are old enough, it may help to let them know that there are real consequences to disobeying the order, but there are ways to let their voices be heard. If you’re co-parenting and struggling with visitation orders, contact my office today.