September 12, 2023

“Smooth process” and “filing for divorce” may seem like they are at odds, but it is possible to get through divorce proceedings with a minimal amount of stress. There will be many pitfalls ready to trip you up, but if you have an experienced, trusted divorce attorney by your side and know what to expect, you can move forward more easily and put this emotional life event behind you.

Divorce is a precarious time for everyone involved. Most people only go through the process once in their life, so coming into a divorce with experience is unlikely. Your divorce attorney has been through this many times before, and will be invaluable to your case by helping you avoid the following common mistakes you could face through the proceedings.

Mistake 1: Letting Emotions Drive Your Decisions

There are reasons why you are getting a divorce. Some negative emotions are understandable, but refusing to communicate with your spouse can make the proceedings much more difficult for everyone. It will be challenging, but important not to let emotions drive your decision making. Acting rationally can be difficult during a divorce, so take your time and listen to your attorney’s advice when making decisions.

Divorce is difficult on children too. Most parents who are going through a divorce want their children to be as unaffected as possible, but can still fall into the trap of trying to use their children as leverage or revenge during the process. At best, this is trying to cajole your spouse into giving you “your way” with the assertion that it’s better for the children. At worst, this is using your children as intermediaries against your spouse, trying to color their opinion. You may have very strong emotions toward your spouse, but to your child, that is their parent whom they love. Use a friend, a therapist, or your lawyer to vent against your spouse, and keep your child out of the battle. To avoid damaging your relationship with your child, help them navigate the changes without making your spouse the enemy.

Mistake 2: Attempting to Avoid Meeting with a Lawyer

When you announce that you are filing for divorce, you will get advice from many people in your life. Do not take legal advice from anyone who is not an attorney. Divorces can be complicated, and you need to make sure that you have an experienced attorney looking out for your best interests. There are some spouses who will insist that filing for divorce can be done without an attorney. Although you may be able to use a mediator during the divorce process to avoid a long legal procedure, this does not mean you should attempt to do this on your own.

Often, one spouse will try to convince the other that they can come to a verbal agreement and an attorney isn’t necessary, but this can be a dangerous mistake. Having an attorney means that you have someone who can advocate for a fair outcome. An experienced divorce attorney has strong knowledge of the divorce process and laws. It’s beneficial to both spouses to have an attorney guiding them through the process. As far as verbal agreements go, it’s best to insist that everything is in writing, even if you think that you and your spouse can have an amicable split. Verbal agreements cannot be enforced, and you need to protect yourself and your future.

Mistake 3: Choosing a Quick Settlement Over a Fair Settlement

In a perfect world, two spouses choosing to separate could make a quick agreement that is fair to both parties. However, this is not usually the case. One spouse may present the other with an agreement that is very one-sided, and the other, wanting a quick resolution, might agree just to get things over with and avoid difficult discussions. No matter what caused the end of your marriage, do not let yourself be pressured into a one-sided quick settlement. It is nearly impossible to undo an unfair settlement once you agree to it.

Mistake 4: Trying to Move on Too Quickly

Some can’t imagine beginning to date again, but for others, divorce can create a sense of loss and some who are going through it will want to jump into a new relationship quickly. Until your divorce is finalized, this can be a risky move. Your spouse may attempt to use your new relationship against you during the negotiation process. If you are still legally married, wait until the divorce is final to begin a new romantic relationship.

Now is also not the time for any big financial moves. During the divorce process, your attorney will likely advise you to avoid making any changes to your financial picture, such as taking on new loans. While there are some changes that will need to be made, such as housing, you need to talk to your attorney about how to move forward in a way that will not impact your divorce settlement.

Mistake 6: Not Being Honest

Although being honest with your spouse during the divorce process, particularly when it comes to your financial situation, is important, being completely honest with your attorney is even more important. Your attorney is trusting you to provide them with accurate information. If you mislead or fail to disclose important information, you can cause serious harm to your case. Although you may be embarrassed to share all the details with your attorney, remember that your attorney is not there to judge your choices. Your attorney needs to have accurate information to get you through the process. This is why it is so important to find an attorney you can trust.

Mistake 7: Not Being Realistic About Your Post-Divorce Changes

When you are transitioning from a two-income household to a one-income household, or one spouse’s salary will now need to stretch to support two homes, things will need to change. You need to accept this reality and make a realistic budget to prepare for your new financial circumstances. This may include downsizing the family home, a stay-at-home spouse re-entering the workforce, or planning for increased childcare expenses. When you split your assets and debts, you need to be prepared for what this will do to your overall financial picture and be realistic about how to move forward.

With a deep understanding of complex divorce laws, an experienced, local divorce attorney provides tailored guidance, preventing costly errors and ensuring your rights are upheld. Their neutral perspective aids in amicable negotiations, and their expertise facilitates fair asset division and minimizes future monetary disputes. By managing all legal proceedings and paperwork, an attorney can reduce stress and expedite the process, allowing you to confidently transition into the next chapter of your life with a protected and empowered stance. If you’re going through a divorce and in need of legal representation, please contact my office right away.